Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't make out with my wife yet
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
