I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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