It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
