I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
