hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
