why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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