I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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