i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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