Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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