you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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