that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
