This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
