NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
