I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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