I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've blown a few things in my day
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
