I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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