he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
