I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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