I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
