Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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