I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
