he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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