my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
