I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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