The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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