I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
