Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
