I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
