Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My liver just broke up with me...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
