Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
