the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
