the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
