last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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