her vagine was all disorganized.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
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well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...