I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.