ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
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Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
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The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.