Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought