I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it