Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you didnt know i had herpes?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children