so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
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Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night