His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
