Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
