I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
