I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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