we have pet lesbian snakes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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