Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
