My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
