can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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