Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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