community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
