he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
