Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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