You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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