i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
