she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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