there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
