someone threw a dead crab at me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize