She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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