i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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