I looked at my own cervix.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize