her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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