We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
