Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
