I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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