My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
