btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
