That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
