I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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