if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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