on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
