I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
