i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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