If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
