You're my little dorito
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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