I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
