hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
