I'd wear matching sweaters with you
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
