A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
