you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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