sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
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Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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