i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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