Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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