i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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